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Name: Zaphriel Michaels
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Random Funnies - Drink Choices

"Drink Choices - Men"

IF MEN DRINK - As always, very simple and clear cut.

Cider : He's probably under-aged and wants to get l*id.

Cheap Domestic Beer : He's poor/student and wants to get la*d.

Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get la*d.

Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get la*d.

Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants to get la*d.

Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get la*d one way or another.

Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give him class and help him get la*d.

Vodka or Brandy : Extremely h*rny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get la*d.

Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get la*d.

Whisky : He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting la*d.

Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting la*d.

Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as getting la*d.

Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc : He's gay (Blatantly!)

"Drink Choices - Women"

What's your drinking personality?! This is a lot more accurate than horoscopes.

So what type of drinker are you? Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results: IF WOMEN DRINK:

Drink : Beer. Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella. Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the butt. Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 liter cask) Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Drink : Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue. Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is...
and you're in.

Drink : Baileys. Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart. Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Drink : Shots (Vodka, Aftershock etc.). Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk... and naked. Approach : Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.


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