Zaphriel's political commentary can be found at... Liberty Just In Case

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Name: Zaphriel Michaels
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
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Southpark Character Creator

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Ok so I'm not perfect.


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I started out at 63% good.




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Saturday, February 04, 2006

Random Funnies - New Employees

How to Place New Employees in a Proper Department:

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with
only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems
is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforest, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

If they are sleeping, they are Senior Management material.


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Odd Pictures - Ouch

This is not going to end well...


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Video - Grouchy's First

Taliban Bodies...


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Friday, February 03, 2006

Random Funnies - About Tools

Little Johnny grabbed some cookies cooling
on the kitchen counter and his mother smacked
his hand.

"OW! What did you do that for?" he said.

"Your hand was doing something it wasn't suppose to and it needed to be punished. Now go see what your father is doing."

Little Johnny ran to the garage just as his father accidentally dropped his hot glue gun on his hand. His father cursed in pain and batted the tool away from his hand.

Little Johnny ran back to his mother and said, "Mom! Dad's smacking his tool in the garage. I think his tool needed to be punished, too."


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Random Funnies - The Book of Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver
at him?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.


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Video - Nerd 900


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Odd Pictures - Abbey Road

A whole new take on Abbey Road.


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Thursday, February 02, 2006

Random Funnies - The Three Bears - Updated

This should end all the three bears stories . . . . .

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his
small bowl. It is empty.

"Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For the Lord's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?

"It was Momma Bear who got up first. It was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Momma Bear who made the coffee. It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Momma Bear who set
the damn table. It was Momma Bear who put the darn cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dishes. And, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good. Because I'm only going to say this one more time:

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE BLOODY PORRIDGE YET!!!!"


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Video - Hot Sex


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Odd Pictures - Very Harey Situation


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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Video - Blondestar













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Random Funnies - Drink Choices

"Drink Choices - Men"

IF MEN DRINK - As always, very simple and clear cut.

Cider : He's probably under-aged and wants to get l*id.

Cheap Domestic Beer : He's poor/student and wants to get la*d.

Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get la*d.

Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get la*d.

Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants to get la*d.

Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get la*d one way or another.

Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give him class and help him get la*d.

Vodka or Brandy : Extremely h*rny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get la*d.

Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get la*d.

Whisky : He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting la*d.

Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting la*d.

Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as getting la*d.

Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc : He's gay (Blatantly!)


"Drink Choices - Women"

What's your drinking personality?! This is a lot more accurate than horoscopes.

So what type of drinker are you? Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results: IF WOMEN DRINK:

Drink : Beer. Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella. Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the butt. Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants. Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 liter cask) Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated. Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Drink : Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue. Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is...
and you're in.

Drink : Baileys. Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart. Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Drink : Shots (Vodka, Aftershock etc.). Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk... and naked. Approach : Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.


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Odd Pictures - Out of Time

Wrong Place... Wrong Time...


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Video - Hero - the first


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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Need Money?

This post is a sticky, it will remain on top for a while... new content appears below.

Get Paid

By Zaphriel

Zaphriel Needs a New Image


Background:
Zaphriel is as a lead character in a series of web based graphic novels that are currently being developed called "Zaphriel and the Fallen". He is a fallen angel, striving to be in God’s favor once again. Formerly being God’s primary spy during the first astral war, Zaphriel was endowed with great psionic powers (telepathy, telekinesis, psionic illusions, and mind blasts) and the ability to appear as a demon. Seen by many astrals as a menace, he lives in the shadows, and uses them to his advantage. Almost never seen by humans, often he is only perceived as a shift of light, a figment of your imagination.

How to get Paid: Each entry must have a rendition of the Zaphriel in a new and innovative way. (more)


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Odd Pictures - Huge Bride

Piece of advice buddy...

Never, I MEAN NEVER, piss her off...


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Video - Real Air Force


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Random Funnies

"Page"

During a holiday vacation in a Las Vegas, the wife of doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged.

"Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "The house does not make doctor calls!"


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Monday, January 30, 2006

Video - Einstein













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Random Funnies

"Arthur And Samuel"

Arthur took his college roommate, Samuel, home for Christmas, and after dinner, spoke to his father, "Dad, I need to tell you something. Samuel and I want to get married and we'd like your blessing."

Arthur's father practically exploded, his face turned red, and was literally speechless for ten minutes. When he finally regained his composure, he replied,

"Arthur, you CANNOT marry Samuel!!! For G~d's sake, Arthur... he's Jewish!"


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Video - Figuring It Out

One would think, before stepping in front of a Camera, you might want to figure it out first...
Just a thought.


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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Odd Pictures - Air Cavalry

Oh how this would have changed things


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I Got Nominated


NOMINATED


For the Life of me I don't know how... ;-P

This one has a very short time table.

Announcing:
The Best So Far, Blog Awards, January 2006
(Note: All correspondence via email to BestSoFar@RightThinking.net )

Super Short Timetable
1. Nominations via email being accepted through Wed, February 1st.
2. Voting via email will take place February 1st through February 5th.
3. Winners announced (and all links posted) Sunday, February 5th.

Only 5 Categories
1. January's Best Pet Blogs
2. January's Best Political Blogs
3. January's Best LinkFest Blogs
4. January's Best Religious Blogs
5. January's Best Humor Blogs

3 Simple Rules
1. Send an email to BestSoFar@RightThinking.net with up to 5 nominations in each category (you may nominate yourself or others in more than one applicable category).
2. Post this announcement and/or link to this entry ( permalink ) on your blog and spread the word quickly (remember, nominations close Wed, Feb 1st).
3. Finalists will be notified on Wed, Feb 1st and listed here. You can then solicit votes at your own blog and have fans vote for their favorite blog in each category via email at BestSoFar@RightThinking.net by Sun, Feb 5th.

Additional Thoughts
1. All nominations will receive link recognition.
2. Winners will get special recognition (I just haven't thought of it yet).
3. Probably mid-stream adjustments. Comments and suggestions welcome.

Here's to the Best So Far!
From Bloggin' Outloud


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Random Funnies

"Apples"

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men
don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

"Fine Wine"

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which
you'd like to have dinner with."


"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the
mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and
give you a headache."


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Ipso Facto Comic
 
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